Living with Dissonance

If you know Scott and I you know we are not ones to shy away from change. In fact, I would say we thrive on it. In the course of our marriage we've moved six times in nine years. I love the process of packing and unpacking and everything that goes along with new spaces and new places. We've been in the same place now for over a year and a half. When we moved here we knew this was temporary and recent events have now given us a deadline to get out. Exciting right?

I thought it would be. Just about two months ago I told Scott I was ready for something to change. Life was too predictable and I was discontent with its temporary condition. Now that the time has come to make a decision on where to go next I'm feeling overwhelmed. Something has happened to me now that Timmy is growing up and becoming more than just a small child that I can lug around with us on all of our adventures. He doesn't like change. He has an opinion. He has a lot of fears. He's five. All the sudden I have base our plans on his life too and its not as durable as mine.

Every couple of months Scott and I revisit an ongoing conversation about what we want. This usually includes discussion of a running list of places that we don't want to live (that list is shorter than the list of the places we'd like to live). Recently this conversation has begun to include us both acknowledging strong feelings of dissonance between wanting to live all over the world and wanting to buy a nice house where our kids can grow in a stable environment and make life long friends and memories. I don't know which dream is going to win yet. Maybe one will win for this season of life, but I don't want to lose the wanderlust.

...a time to plant and a time to uproot. Ecclesiastes 3:2

Instagram Nostalgia

I've been listening to too much country music lately and its making me all weepy for these days of my kiddos being so innocent. Trying to hold on to them is silly, but capturing some of the little moments is satisfying.

Best Behavior

Timmy is a classic case of he's on his best behavior with everyone else, but when he comes home all bets are off. He can turn from having a perfect day at Grandma's or school or daycare to total meltdown as soon as he sees my face or steps in the house. Everyone assures me that this is totally normal because kids naturally know that their parents will love them no matter what. I'm sure there is truth to this, but it doesn't make dealing with those meltdowns any easier.

I read an article here that convicted me about my own behavior as a mom and got me thinking about this idea of who gets the best me. Sometimes I think I do the same thing my kids do: act great at work and in public, but the second we get home, I meltdown. I yell at my kids, lose patience and generally am a jerk to them and probably my husband too. I know my kids will love me no matter what, so I feel free do do whatever I want when they are the only ones watching. This week I've been thinking a lot about how I should act & what kind of example I should set for them. After all, they are way more important to me than my coworkers and complete strangers.